Memories
by southernlady
Summary: Sometimes we only have our memories, and sometimes they actually hurt worse than the real thing.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I don't own "SWAT Kats", tell me what you think. Should I continue or just leave it alone? **

'Beep beep beep..' the sound of the alarm clock ringing in my ears as I reached out and hit the off button. My head pounding as I graoned and pulled the pillow over my head. I couldn't move, I didn't want to move, I wasn't ready to face the day. As I groaned again and sat up, sling my legs over the edge and putting my head in my hands. I could feel the headache getting worse, as I pulled myself up and shuffled toward the kitchen. I needed coffee, I needed to get ready for tonight.

After everything I now worked as a bartender in a bar. I moved out of MegaKat city, I didn't even know if my best friend and partner was still alive, or okay. I just packed my stuff and left, I hadn't seen him or talked to him in years. I ran my hand through my shaggy hair and headed for the shower. I knew that if I was late, I was going to get it from my boss. But as I made my way toward the bathroom, I grabbed some advil, I needed to get rid of the pounding in my head. I needed to not feel anything, as I also grabbed a beer and walked headed for the shower.

It was I stepped out and pulled on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt that I started to think about the good old days. The days that I did something for the city, that I was appreciated and not spit at. I was the hero, but no one knew that I was a hero. No one knew that we were behind those masks. Or are history, they just knew that we saved the city and they cheered for us. They ranted about us, and congratulated us, slapping us on our backs. Telling us what a good job we had done, and that they appreciated us.

Of course, I knew that my partner didn't want that, he more into fading into the background. But he was still appreciated the words that were said about us. I wanted more than that, I wanted to let everyone know, but in a way I was glad that we didn't let them know. Those days are gone though now, I know live in a city away from Megakat City, and work as a bartender. I watch people have a life in front of me, I have turned toward the bottle more than once to get away from the memories. Most of the time I don't even go in sober anymore, I just walk in around 5pm and don't leave until 7am, only to come back to an empty apartment and collapse on the bed. Sometimes sober sometimes drunk and sometimes with a pounding headache. Either way, my heart still aches to be able to go back to those days. Back to those days of not having a care in the world and just living life as it came flying at me. Laughing just for the heck of it...I haven't laughed since that fateful day. I haven't smiled I haven't even lost my temper since that day. Its just a dull ache in my heart, and when I look into my eyes I don't even see my old self. I see someone that doesn't exist just someone that lost his spark for life and shouldn't be there.

Sighing I walked out the door and headed for the truck, I needed to get to work. Climbing in, I headed drove down the road. The headache was starting to go away, but the acheing my heart was at full force. The tragic memories are constantly on my mind, but the good old days seem always out of reach in my mind. I can't even picture my partner anymore or the garage. When a good memory pops in my mind, I don't even remember everything, and it disappears so fast that it always seems out of reach.

As I walked into the bar, I could already smell the alcholo that was flowing. The laughter the DJ spinning the disks on the turntables, the sound of laughter running through my ears, as I took my position behind the bar. People walking up and ordering thier drinks, and me just smiling slightly as I prepared them and handed each of them to them. Some of the women flittering with me, while others just order thier drinks and got away from the bar. I knew tonight was going to be a long night, and those memories only seemed to cloud my mind. As I prepared a drink and handed it to the customer.

The night seemed to drag on and on, as I kept preparing them. Then a young woman walked up, she had long black hair with white in different parts. Her eyes seemed to gleam in the dull light and the way that she held her self, told me that she wasn't someone to be wrecked in with. She smirked at me and ordered a beer, I handed it to her and she stared into my eyes. Why did she look familiar? How come I felt like I knew her? She walked away and I couldn't help but stare at her as she walked away. I found myself wracking my brain trying to think about who she was.

It was as we closed up that I realized she was still there. She was off in a far corner watching me, clean up. Some of her long hair had fell over one of her eyes, as she smiled at me.  
"Caleb, could you lock up!" Yellowed the DJ.  
"Sure Mike" I replied

"I will see you tomorrow then"  
"Bye" I called after him as he walked out, and then I turned toward her. She had moved across the floor, closer to me.

"You do realize that we are closed right" I asked

"Yeah I know, but I wanted to talk with you"

"Oh" an eyeridge going up as I stared at her.  
"Yeah, 'Caleb'" She said bitterly, "That isn't even your real name" My eyeridge went higher and then my eyes narrowed as I stared at her.  
"Who are you? And what right do you have to talk to me like that?"  
"Chance...you don't even now who I am anymore" She said  
"That isn't my name anymore...it's.."  
"Caleb" She finished, it took all my might not to reach out and hit her. Instead I just growled and headed back for the bar.

"Jake is dying...do you realize that. Do you realize that the doctors aren't even giving him a year to live. Or that the garage has gone under, or that Jake is..."  
"Jake is what?" I snapped at her, "And you still haven't answered my question on who are you?" She narrowed her eyes at me, and as she did I put it together. The woman standing in front of me was Lt. Feral better know as Felina.

"Lt. Feral" I said, shocked at what I was seeing.

"Its commmander now, but yes its me" She replied,

"How did you find me"  
"Very carefully and I came here in hopes of bring you back"  
"No, I'm not going back. He doesn't need me anymore"  
"Yes he did...he needs you, I need you"   
"No you don't...no one needs me"  
"Yes they do, you are just too stubborn to see it" I growled again, because deep down I knew that I needed to go back. I know that I should go back, and face it and see Jake. Something was pulling me to go back, but something else was telling not to go. That it was probably a trap and I wasn't ready to go back.

"You definetly haven't changed, Chance Furlong. That is your name, not Caleb" She growled, before she yanked the door open and walked. I just stared at the door watching it shut as I thought about everything that I should of done, and should be doing.


	2. Chapter 2

The sun trickled in to my eyes, as I groaned and looked up. Rolling over to my side I saw the clock, I had only been a sleep for three hours. I couldn't fuction on three hours of sleep at all, I couldn't do anything at all. I wasn't as young as I use to be, I had gotten older over the years. But as I closed my eyes, that day played in front of my eyes, the day that I ran out on him. The words that Felina told me, played in my mind over and over. Jake was dying, and I wasn't there, I ran and now I layed here trying to get back to sleep. When I should be on the phone, booking a flight and packing my bags, and getting back there.

That dull ache was back, as I groaned and looked up at the ceiling. I knew there was no way that I was going to get anymore sleep, as I pulled myself up and headed for the kitchen. I needed coffee, something to clear my mind, as I got some going. My mind went back to that day, back to when everything went south, everything fell apart on me..on...us.

(Flashback)

_We were down in the hangar when the alarm went off. Both of us exchanging looks, as we scurried up the ladder and into the house. Looking around, we didn't see anyone, as we headed back down toward hangar. It was as we opened the door that there was a knock on the door. Walking over and opening it up, we saw Feral standing there. He glared at us,_

_"I always thought it was you" He growled, both of us exchanging bewildered looks.  
"What are you talking about?" Jake asked_

_"Don't you dare play dumb" He growled again, we still had blank looks on our faces. But both of us had a feeling that we knew what he was talking about. We just didn't want to face it, we didn't want to realize that we had been found out, especailly by him. As we stared at him blankly, he barged into the place, with several of the other enforcers behind him. It was as we sat back and watched them search the house, that we realized what they were talking about. _

_"YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE IN HERE!" I screamed at him, just as two enforcers grabbed us. Feral spun around and glared at us,  
"I have every right to be in here, and I will make sure that you both get years for this" He growled, his face inches of ours. It was we watched the enforcers tear our house apart that we realized that those years of saving the city hadn't done anything for Feral. But make him hate us more and more, and just make him angry about how he had failed as a enforcer. It wasn't long before they found the hangar, but as the enforcers jumped down in it, dragging us with them. The commander not far behind that we watched them stand around, some of them gaping at the Turbokat that sat a little ways away from the platform. The Commander walking up, _

_"Well, well, what do we have? A couple of vigilantes and ex-enforcers." He purred, he sound happy to know what our secret was, and who we were. He turned toward us and stared at us, with his eyes boring into us, "Soon everyone will know who you guys are, and what have you done to this city." He breathed for just a minute until he pulled his head up, "DESTROY IT ALL!" He shouted, _

_All we could do was stand there and watch as the enforcers, dumped, shot, and threw are gear, our vehicles, and every tool in the place. I stole a glance at Jake out of the corner of my eye and I realized that he was dying, watching the place get destroyed. I knew that it was going to take forever to get this stuff back to working order, and even then it wasn't going to do much good. We knew after today that we wouldn't be able to ever use it again, that our 'hero' days were over._

_It was as Feral stood there watching the choas, that he turned toward us. One look in our eyes and he pulled his head up and looked around. Seeing that everything was destroyed he turned toward us and girnned slightlly. _

_"Well, it looks like your days are over. We won't be saving the city since that day. But no one thing that you are now no SWAT Kats and no enforcers. But you are just ex-enforcers and grease monkeys that owe the enforcers money for that building. And since this look right now is so priceless then I won't take you guys in and put in jail, but I will make sure that you guys won't ever fly again, in anything" He said as he shouted for the enforcers to leave and he left himself, leaving us with the mess. I looked over at Jake and realized that there was nothing either one of us could do, we were stuck with this...we would never fly._

(end flashback)

I sighed as a lone tear ran down my face and I carelessly brushed it away. Getting up to get a cup of coffee and running a hand through my hair, thinking about how I had let him down. That day had haunted me, but what killed me the most was the fact that I hadn't stuck around, I had skipped town. It was then that my mind started to go back to that moment.

(Flahsback)

_It was twenty four hours later, both of us down in the hangar. Cleaning up the mess that the enforcers made, I hadn't heard Jake say anything since the enforcers barged in. It was as I cleaned up some tools that I heard Jake say something.  
"What was that buddy?" I asked_

_"Were done Chance, were over...Feral knows...and it won't take long before everyone else knows." Jake said, I didn't even have a response, I just stared at the tools in front of me.  
"We are going to be the laughing stock" Jake muttered  
"Tell me about it" I replied, as both of us picked our heads up and stared at each other from across the room.  
"We need to leave, split up...go our seperate ways and then meet back here." Jake said_

_"What? Are you nuts...NO WAY!"  
"Its for the best Chance. It will only take time, before th mayor orders us to jail"  
"I'm not going to run Jake. I'm staying put, there is no way that I'm going to skip town."  
"Chance"  
"NO Jake, we have to stay. I can't believe that you were willing to do that."  
"Were over Chance, there is going to be no more SWAT Kats, no more flying high and saving the city" I sighed in defeat, I knew that Jake was right. I also knew that I was going to have to face it, as I stared at the Turbokat._

_"I can't believe it is over" I said  
"I know, me neither"  
It was later that night that both of us, decided that it was best if we skip town for some time. The thing was that we knew that we needed to split up, so we went our seperate ways. I just never went home._

(End flashback)

I can't believe that Jake went back, I can't believe that I haven't heard anything about the 'SWAT Kats'. Jake must of gotten the garage going, but by the sound of it didn't last long. I just couldn't believe that Feral hadn't told anyone about who we were. I wonder if anything has changed? I swore that Feral was going to tell someone, and it was going to be plastered all over the place. But in the end he had kept it to himself, it was kind of funny. Especially after the threat that he delivered to us, about how he was going to tell the whole city.

I sighed and collsped at the table, buring my head in my hands as I closed my eyes. I should go back, I should see Jake...something was telling to go back and see him. I needed to go back and see him, but I didn't know if I could face him. I was scared to face him, I was angry to see Felina, but if I see Feral, I know that I'm going to loose it.

I pulled myself up and headed for the couch and the TV. Hoping that there was something good on, anything will due. Just something that will make me forget, but the I have tried to forget. I've tried to erase the memories, but I can't. No matter how high I get, how much I get drunk, how much I tired my self out, I will always remember that painful day...Alwasy. As I layed my head down and fell asleep, to the purr of the tv set.


End file.
